Mom is a Control Freak 2
However, in the beginning, this bond between a 'desire to please/relaxed style/conflict avoidant person' and an ' opinion oriented/take charge/organized person' sets the stage for the latter of them to become more controlling unless each learns some of the other's behavior set...
Mom is a Control Freak: How Can I Help Dad?-Part 2
By Dr Coach Love
In Part 1, I described how a controlling relationship often has its innocent origins in behavior patterns the couple establishes early in their relationship. For the details of that discussion, please read Part 1. Here is what a controlling relationship may have looked like at the beginning.
One person tended to routinely defer to or honor the wishes and opinions of the other to avoid a discussion about their differences—and risk an argument. Often this choice is embraced when that individual is easy-going, a people pleaser or uncomfortable with conflict. The predominant feeling is that all differences lead to conflict. In the beginning, this type of behavior is often interpreted as a favorable, considerate, and caring personality trait. Meanwhile, the other partner is initially viewed as a confident, knowledgeable, and successful decision-maker— also good traits. So it all seems to work out— in the beginning.
However, this bond between a ‘desire to please/relaxed style/conflict avoidant person’ and an ‘ opinion oriented/take charge/organized person’ sets the stage for the latter of them to become more controlling unless each learns some of the other’s behavior set— he learns to take charge more and she learns to relax more, and vice versa. If this move toward balanced learning does not occur, eventually, both people are blind to the impact of this unbalanced behavior dance on their relationship quality. In numerous repeat cycles over the years, the couple can become locked in a passive-aggressive two step partnership.
Their once positive personality traits morph into a set of repetitive negative interactions. One becomes excessively passive and gives little or no indicator of their dissatisfaction, except perhaps to withdraw, which then further convinces their partner that their “controlling” tendencies are required in order to accomplish anything effectively. Frustration mounts and distance grows.
What do you think? Check back for more options and discussion.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Regards,
Dr. Coach Love
MORE INFO LINKS: http://familyandrelationshipcoachblog.com/2-find-it-fast/
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