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NLP - Communication: Understanding Language
Language as we know is a very important aspect of the coaching process. As coaches, we listen out for the language used by our clients as this can provide a very important and significant indication of how they may be feeling and thinking. The language that the coach uses whilst coaching is also extremely important. One [...]
Mind power and food
We spent last Christmas with my husband's family in the UK and we had a wonderful time just relaxing and catching up with everyone.
After the Christmas dinner, the huge half eaten turkey was placed on the kitchen counter waiting to be packed up for later meals. I was sitting on a stool at the same counter reading the newspaper and someone walked in saw me and said, "Are you not tempted to eat the turkey being a vegetarian?"
I was very surprised by the question. I have been a vegetarian for about 10 years now, with the occasional slip ups during pregnancy. When the question was asked, I realised that I did not even see the turkey sitting there as food. I have already learned to dis-identify it as a food item.
Our minds are pretty amazing if we know how to make it work for us. One of the key things I have learned to do while I was on my way out of alcoholism was to dis-identify feelings and thoughts of pleasure, love, attention, relaxation from alcohol. And then enforcing and identifying thoughts and feelings of destruction, ill health and so on with alcohol.
The same technique was applied to my diet when I made a commitment and several other times re-commitment to become a vegetarian for moral and social reasons.
The saying "the flesh is willing but the will is weak" is very true for many especially when one does not know how to work with the power of the mind. Our strong will can only come from the power of our mind. The mind indeed is our greatest ally if we invest it right.
@ 2009 Shamala TanThink and Grow Rich - Book Review
Think and Grow Rich By Napoleon Hill (Ebury Press 2004) Reviewed by Ayoola Kaffo Wow… I read ‘Think & Grow Rich’ in July 2005 out of curiousity, and it captured my interest after reading the first few pages. Once I read this book I had no choice but to develop an idea and [...]
Taking action
Recently someone asked me, what if I have client who engages me as a counselor for help to combat their addictions/bad habits but the person is very resistant. What do I do?
This is what I said:
Everyone is resistant to change, and everyone on some level enjoys the pain and suffering when they are hooked to their addictions. But if the client has taken the first step to come for counseling, I say congratulations.
However, there are some clients who are happy to just talk about their addictions but have no real desire to work on mastering their addictions by getting into action. In fact, they may be looking for justification for why they are still hanging on to their addictions. They may even argue and place blame on others. I normally 'fire' these clients after a period of time, because they have no real desire to help themselves. Ultimately for any coaching/counseling to work the client has to do the work, and I cannot do the work for him/her. I am only the coach cheering and guiding at the sidelines.
Some people may say that when I 'fire' the client, then I am leaving the client on the lurch and don't I feel guilty? My reply to that is, they were already in that state before they came to me. So I hold no responsibility for them not getting into action. Co-dependence with the client is not my cup of tea.
So taking responsibility for yourself is a big part of healing. If you have been thinking about making the change for yourself, get into action NOW or else you will never do it.
© 2009Thoughts On The Leadership - Management Debate
When my daughter returned to her job in customer services after a 12-month break, she was told that she’d have to wear a manager’s jacket since no other uniforms were available. She was frequently mistaken for a manager because of her uniform and began to observe the behaviour of the managers and team leaders around [...]
Businesses Don’t Fail; People Fail
There is the often banded statistic that one in three business fail within three years, where this figure came from I don’t know. I suspect its urban myth and taken as fact as I can’t find any source. With all the talk about the economy and the Global meltdown, going into business must be one of [...]
New Life
I like to share an email I received from a very good friend of mine a few days ago. G and I were flatmates in what feels like a life time ago. He lives in Canada now and we have been in touch since he left Singapore for home.
This was what he said: "All memory is made of narrative..... so our memories are stories, not events, fluid, ever-changing... dynamic. I dig this. But there is also an urge to fix, the butterfly wings under pins, to fossilize, and it must be this process that often confronts me (with a smile) when I find you online, almost a new incarnation, a new story, a new history. This was my first thought about the from addict to counsellor thing...."
I found G's words powerful because of the truth behind the words - that our memories are stories. I am pretty certain that many of you struggling with any form of addictions have your stories to share, and that with every victory you come closer to a 'new incarnation, a new story, a new history'. Sometimes when people share stories about what I used to do, I struggle a little trying to remember because it really does feel like a lifetime ago. (The alcohol must have done a good job of killing a lot of my brain cells! lol!) I feel blessed to be living a completely new life and to feel so liberated. The memories of the past may seem distant but I can easily recall the feelings/emotions from the past and I am glad to say I do not feel the same now.
Oddly enough, my past life as an addict has been a blessing in many ways for without it I would not walk on the path I am on now. For this reason, I often tell my clients, the past has no hold on you unless you give it the power. You have the ability to create a new future, a new life starting from scratch because it is within our innate ability to do so. It is in our nature if we observe how nature works. Every day is a day of renewal, with each sunrise it is a new beginning. Even with each inbreath we are renewing ourselves physically. So no past is too dark or bleak that has the power to hold us back simply because we have the ability to renew ourselves even within our breath.
May you begin a new incarnation, and write a new story and a new history every day. (Thank you G for the inspiration for this sharing)
© 2009Dealing With Job Loss
Job loss is probably the most traumatic event in anyone’s career path. People react differently – some with shock, helplessness while others who were perhaps forewarned, with an initial bravado. However, whether it is an expected event or an unwelcome surprise, the loss of a job can seriously dent [...]
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Time Waster Number 3
Television Viewing Television is a huge time waster. We need to take back the time TV viewing is stealing from our lives. Examine what you are really doing when you sit down to watch TV. Is this television viewing really a good way to spend your time? Is it really necessary [...]
Huge Time Waster and Stress Inducer!
Huge Time Waster: Looking for Things! An easy way to create space in your day is to stop wasting time looking for objects. How much time do you waste looking for the same items, every day, over and over? Keys, cell phone, Blackberry, etc. How much time do you spend looking for what you need every time [...]
Unconditional Positive Regard
‘I like only half of the idea of “unconditional positive regard” - the positive-regard half … Unconditional positive regard is not contingent on anything your child does. Mastery, in stark contrast, is conditional, defined as an outcome strictly dependent on what your child does.’ [...]
Would You Rather Have All the Questions or All the Answers?
Well, this may mean nothing to you however in the coaching world, it was long thought (and, take a moment to reorient because ‘long thought’ in a 20-year old industry isn’t much) that clients have all the answers and coaches provide the questions. If we do it well enough, our questions will stimulate a provocative [...]
Dealing with Distractions
On any given day, in any given life, there are distractions. I am always amazed that I will lay out my plans for the week and look back and find that all I have accomplished is dealing with distractions. I am dealing with a couple right now that could impact my business quite a bit, [...]
Are Sound Tracks the Background of Our Lives or Do they Set the Scene?
“Shake it, shake it, baby” was the “ABC” beat that walked me home – through a transister radio – from high school. Michael Jackson and his 4 brothers were 5 sparkling sticks of dynamite in every way: their sound, their colorful clothes, their dance moves, the expressions on their faces. Led by Michael (although Jermaine [...]